An estimated 7.2 million Americans have some sort of memory loss disorder, like Alzheimer's or dementia, as of 2025, Alzheimer's Association reports.
Caring for someone with memory loss in San Antonio, TX (75 miles northeast of Austin), whether caused by dementia, Alzheimer's disease, or age-related cognitive decline, requires more than just patience.
The way we talk to someone with memory issues can either build trust and connection or cause confusion, frustration, and distress. Unfortunately, many well-meaning caregivers and loved ones may unknowingly say things that do more harm than good.
In this dementia caregiver advice post, we'll explore what not to say to someone with memory loss and offer respectful communication tips that help foster comfort, dignity, and respect.
This is one of the most common phrases people use without realizing it can be hurtful.
Why it's problematic: Asking someone with memory loss to recall specific events can make them feel embarrassed or like they're failing a test.
Say instead: "I remember when we used to go to the beach every summer. That was such a fun time."
Why it helps: Sharing a memory without pressuring them to remember creates a connection without stress.
Repeating questions is a common symptom of memory loss. A lot of caregivers get frustrated, angry, or even annoyed when people with memory loss repeat themselves.
They are not doing this to annoy you, though. They are truly confused and need some additional guidance.
Why it's problematic: It implies they're being annoying or forgetful on purpose.
Say instead: Simply answer the question again calmly, or redirect the conversation.
Why it helps: Maintaining a gentle tone helps keep the person relaxed and preserves their dignity.
A person with memory loss might not remember clearly what happened an hour ago, so they probably won't remember what you told them a few days or months ago. Like the previous example, this phrase can come across as irritated or impatient, even if you don't mean it that way.
Why it's problematic: It adds frustration and can escalate anxiety or confusion.
Say instead: Repeat the information patiently or rephrase it more simply.
Why it helps: Your calm response reinforces safety and reduces the risk of agitation.
When you are speaking to a person with no memory loss issues, then telling them they are wrong is quite normal and acceptable. They probably won't take it the wrong way. However, correcting someone with memory loss may seem helpful, but it can often cause embarrassment or distress.
Why it's problematic: Challenging their version of reality can lead to frustration or make them feel confused and defensive.
Say instead: "Oh, that's interesting!" or gently redirect the conversation.
Why it helps: Going along with their perspective when it's harmless is a great way of supporting memory care residents' emotional well-being.
There's no person on this planet who likes knowing that their loved one has forgotten them. This question may come from a place of hurt, especially when a loved one forgets your name. But expressing disbelief or sadness in this way adds guilt and confusion.
Why it's problematic: It makes them feel ashamed or like they've disappointed you.
Say instead: When talking to parents with dementia, use phrases like, "Hi Dad, it's me, Sarah. I'm so happy to see you today."
Why it helps: Reintroducing yourself with warmth affirms the relationship without pressuring memory.
If someone with memory loss and language issues insists they haven't eaten, they may truly feel hungry or confused about the time. If they are hungry, then their eating yet again isn't such a big deal, and the same if they are confused. An additional meal here or there shouldn't make such a difference in their health.
Why it's problematic: Dismissing their concern doesn't address their need in that moment.
Say instead: "How about a light snack or a drink?"
Why it helps: Offering comfort or a distraction can ease their mind without conflict.
Sometimes people with dementia or memory loss say things that seem disconnected or illogical.
Why it's problematic: This phrase invalidates their experience and can make them shut down emotionally.
Say instead: "Tell me more about that," or "That sounds important to you."
Why it helps: Validating their feelings, even when their words are confusing, fosters trust.
Saying "calm down" rarely helps anyone, especially not someone with memory loss who may already feel frightened or overwhelmed.
Why it's problematic: It can feel dismissive or controlling.
Say instead: "I'm here with you. You're safe."
Why it helps: Offering reassurance and physical comfort (like holding their hand) can be far more effective.
Like other phrases that highlight forgetfulness, this one can feel accusatory or frustrating.
Why it's problematic: It implies they should be able to remember, and they can't.
Say instead: Repeat the information gently, or use visual cues to help.
Why it helps: Compassionate repetition helps meet their needs in the moment without blame.
If a loved one asks about someone who has died and they don't remember, reminding them repeatedly can cause them to relive the grief over and over.
Why it's problematic: Telling them the truth each time may cause fresh emotional pain.
Say instead: Distract or redirect. For example: "They're not here right now. Let's have some tea."
Why it helps: Kind distraction can prevent unnecessary distress when the truth causes harm.
Now that you know what not to say to someone with memory loss, you can take these phrases and start replacing them with compassion. In this manner, you can build stronger bonds and create a more positive caregiving experience for everyone involved.
At Discovery Village Stone Oak, you will be surrounded by lush green spaces, scenic views, and a peaceful, serene environment. Our community endeavors to enhance our residents' lives as they grow older, with expert, supportive caregivers always there to help. Our Memory Care programs are there to assist anyone with memory loss issues.
Schedule a tour of our community to feel the difference for yourself.